Larissa Joyce

Singleness… We join all these dating apps and singles meetups trying to meet “the one”. What is it that “the one” is supposed to do for us? Do you feel like until you find a mate that you are not a complete person? Do you want a mate because society has subconsciously made you think that it must be something you strive to have?

Sometimes I ask myself why it is that I feel I need to be married or to have a boyfriend. For myself, I think there was this underlying thought that I am incomplete. I have been single for so long that even when I was married the marriage was so bad that I was still single. The previous two relationships before that were long distance relationships so there was a lot of time living life as a single person until my mate came back to town.

I’m at the point now that I have decided and I think this decision will stick, that I am happy being single and I don’t want a mate. There are so many advantages to being single.

  1. I am in control.

By this, I don’t mean control in a bad way. What I mean is that 24 hours a day I have full choice of what I choose to do or not to do for that day. I choose where I eat, sleep, or what I do or don’t do. I am free to do as I please and I don’t have to ask anyone permission nor do I have to compromise to suit my lover’s needs. I get to spoil myself. Who says that just because you are single that you can’t spoil yourself. I don’t need someone else to spoil me. I am capable of doing it to myself. I don’t have to ask permission to spend money!! That’s the best part!

2. I always feel good about myself.

By this, I mean that I don’t have to care what other people think about me. I”m not out to impress anyone else. My goal is to dress comfortably and be free to be me and I don’t have to care about dressing up for anyone else. I like not dying my grey hair. I want to embrace the grey as I age. I don’t want to put chemicals in my hair and poison my body. If I want to wear nail polish or makeup I can and if I don’t I won’t. It is all up to me how I want to look. If I like the natural look and I feel comfortable with it then it’s about me not about me impressing anyone else. I don’t have to be self-conscious about my weight. I don’t have to worry about the sagging here and there or the cellulite showing here and there. Only I see it and no one else knows it’s there. It’s my little secret. I am not putting myself out there to be rejected by anyone else. Being single increases my self-love. The only standard I live up to is my own. Don’t get me wrong I do still dress up but I have always been a tomboy at heart and never a girly girl. Now I can embrace who I truly want to be and I don’t have to feel insecure.

In Conclusion

The older I get the more I embrace my singleness. I am never alone. Over the years I have learned to like myself and how to entertain myself. There really aren’t many people out there in the world that I want to spend my time with. I have one girlfriend and when I need girl time I call her and we hang out. I have friends  & family I text that aren’t local. I go on vacation with my immediate family and I spend weekends socializing with my siblings and their kids. I get to play auntie and go home satisfied and my heart is filled up.

I think a lot of it is perspective.

When I was in my 20’s I hated to be alone and I think that the big issue was that I hated myself, therefore I hated being alone with myself.

Today I have dogs and when I want to go anywhere it usually includes a dog. If not a dog then a family member. I guess I am lucky in that I love my family and I love myself. It ends here today. No longer will I live the lie feeling that I am incomplete until I find a spouse.

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